worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
