U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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