I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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