found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
