i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
