That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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