U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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