i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
