you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
