id be glad to
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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