saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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