Do you still have your period?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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