I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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