I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You need a sexual gate keeper
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
how drunk are you?
Several
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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