It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
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It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
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My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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