yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
