I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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