is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
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