so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
operation harelip BJ is a go
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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