Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
