Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
