Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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