i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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