I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
