He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
