So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
