I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
