Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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