don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
