my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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