My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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