don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
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I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
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I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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