So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
