i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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