Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
