singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Randomize
