Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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