How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
