My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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