I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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