He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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