I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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