where am i from again
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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