Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
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the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
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You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm bleeding and have questions
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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