we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
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I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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