"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
