weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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