There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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