if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
