He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
