So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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