:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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