Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
