We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
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...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
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SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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