its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Randomize
