I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
