dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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