Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's blow job season.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
