I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
