Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
