I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Please don't give away my fajitas
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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