It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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