i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
