...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize