I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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