i think i have herpe
just one?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
