I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
