Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
