While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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