I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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