1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
