You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
