AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
