i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
