i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
