i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
