i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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